These are power pipes

stevie just singing her heart out and that staunch ass synthesizer



i wish i could harness the power of this song and use it in all aspects of my life

BRING IT

This is it.... on the 14th floor of the library, raging snowstorm, surrounded by high calorie snack food and books, the smell of stress and adderall in the air..... IT'S FINALS WEEK.

CHAKA KHAN GIRL YOU GONNA GET ME THROUGH THIS 

stuff i try to incorporate into everyday conversations

Are You Ready Marty?

My dad and his best friend who is basically a taller version of danny devito's character on always sunny dropped off my babyyyy the delorean yesterday. i love that piece of shit like a mother loves it's retarded child. we bonded so much this summer. whenever i was late for work and basically needed to time travel to get there i would look at the empty passenger seat, envision marty mcfly sitting there, and say "are you ready marty?". and i would ALWAYS be on time. even if i was stuck at that terrible light by forrest hills station at 4:57 with a souped up honda in front of me... i would somehow be walking into work right at 5:00. oh my gawwwdddd i just realized that doc brown and me share the same last name so maybe we're ReLaTeDdDdDDDd and he's like my rich crazy uncle/guardian angel who allows me to channel his time traveling abilities when i'm running late for work because i just HAD to stop at dunkies and get a medium iced coffee. IT ALL MAKES SENSE! i'm wicked smaht and should totes stay in sKoOl. 

ya so anyways i drove around campus today scoping out all the hawt boizz while listening to my car's favorite song/the only song i would ever dance to if i somehow needed to become an exotic dancer to make ends meet (which is secretly what i daydream about when i listen to this song)....

Career Opportunities for Michael Vick

"Watch your motherfucking back."

I spent the weekend back in the 212 to reunite with my lovahs. It was a fun drunken weekend overall. On sunday we went to go play with puppies and then eat an obscene amount of cupcakes and mexican food. As we were walking down Bleecker Street approaching Magnolia's, me and my friend were distracted by 2 sparrows on the side of the street. At first we thought they were doing the nasty, but after standing there and watching them we realized they were fighting. Other people started stopping too and people were asking us what was going on like they were our pets or something. We should have started taking bets. One retarded German tourist almost stepped on one of the birds; the things were just so into whatever they were doing that they didn't even care that a crowd of humans was surrounding them. Well is became inherently clear how much they didn't care when we went to stand in line for cupcakes. The birds flew up in the air, still battling one-another, and in their state of frenzy one of them FREE FELL ONTO MY BACK. Yes, the bird FELL. It gives me the heeby jeebies even thinking about that feeling right now. At first I thought that it had just taken a huge shit on my back or something. But nope, the bird itself had just hit me in the back while falling onto the sidewalk. My friend and I screamed and ran away, leaving the long line of surprisingly unfazed tourists. We turned around and saw the birds do the same free-fall thing again and land on the street in front of a white BMW that stopped while the birds wrestled to the edge of the street. For the rest of the day I was scared of every bird I saw. If you think about it, birds could terrorize the shit out of us if they wanted to. They can walk AND fly. And their beaks are really sharp. Plus, they have terradactyl in their blood. 

In a somewhat related story, I witnessed what could only be described as a terradactyl birth on the subway. We were heading over to Brooklyn Heights and a gaggle of skinny, flamboyantly-gay black men were getting on the train. When the doors started to close on one of them, he shrieked like a baby terradactyl and dramatically opened the doors with his flimsy arms. He honestly looked like a traumatized terradectyl exiting the womb. I half-expected him to be covered in dinosaur placenta. I'm happy he wasn't though because I probably would have ralphed up my soggy, amtrak hot dog and grey poupon that I had consumed hours earlier. 

BYOB

Whenever I'm bored with my life  I look at pictures of all the crazy shit going down in space.

Doesn't it just look like one big party?

The most wonderful time of the year

"Iced Coffee has risen. Amen."- Moesha 26:3

I can't wait to blow my hard earned minimum wages on this sauce. I also like to destroy the environment by requesting a plastic cup so my fingers don't get frost bitten.